To Let My Hands Do What They Want
by kawaii-kakashi
Summary: Kakashi and Yamato's relationship as it evolves over the years, from the first meeting to... other firsts. Mostly Yamato's point of view.


**To let my hands to what they want**

"Hello," he said, politely enough. They didn't use names, was not allowed to.

Yamato nodded back. "Nice to meet you."

"What's your name?" he asked.

"I have not been assigned one."

"Not? Oh, then I get the pleasure!"

_Please don't-_

He scratched his head, seemingly pleased as he racked his brain. Despite him not being much taller than himself he was his senpai, and whatever he decided his name was, so it became.

_If you're gonna name me, please let it be a cool name, dammit, not something dorky right out of a-_

"Tenzō!"

He groaned.

The other man smiled, a carefree joyous smile, not fitting for a man of his rank.

"Are you hungry?"

This man, granted he was a very young man, was nothing like he had expected. And neither was he especially hungry. _How could I be with such a stupid name!?_

His smile got broader, for a second he worried he could read his mind, that devilish grin told him it very well might be possible.

"C'mon Tenzō. Let's go eat."

* * *

Months passed.

They sat down in a booth, opposite each other. Kakashi yawned, all the tension gone as if it had never been there in the first place, as if all that malicious energy had been an empty, tainted dream. A grumpy-looking waitress brought them their food.

"Itadakimasu" Yamato said quietly. He was still shaken, irreparably changed by what he'd seen.

"It gets easier" Kakashi said, just as quietly, looking at him from across the table. "Maybe not much easier, but a little." He looked down on his food, as if he'd for a second had forgotten it was there and how he should deal with the fact that it was. "Itadakimasu."

They ate quietly, both let the food fill their stomachs and warm them up properly for the first time in months.

Yamato finished his meal first.

"I'd forgotten how-" he didn't know how to finish.

_How to smile. How to breathe. How to sit still without looking over my shoulder._

Kakashi held up his beer.

"Here's to not dying in a ditch."

Yamato smiled, albeit weakly.

"Here's to keeping it that way."

* * *

They grew up together. Kakashi was always ahead of him, but he didn't mind, made no attempt to change that. He could not find a shred of him that envied him, the infamous copy ninja, his jarring legacy and all the eyes that followed him around. Sure, he was from a known family as well, but it didn't raise nearly as many eyebrows. Frankly, he knew that Kakashi was more skilled than him, and yet he held no secret dream of one day surpassing him. He wanted to get stronger, sure, but deep down he knew he didn't have that edge, that little sliver of selflessness that the other man possessed, the one that allowed him to dream and act so recklessly.

Yamato's past had scarred him, had forbidden him from housing such foolish ambitions. Kakashi was more of a dreamer, Yamato a realist. But none of that mattered. It didn't matter if he'd never surpass him or get his name in a scroll of famous ninjas, because what matter was that everyday he spent with him, he got better. He improved, tried so hard simply because he knew he had a pair of watchful eyes upon him.

_I'm better when I'm with you._

* * *

They were shy around each other. Kakashi intent on keeping both his and his comrades privacy intact, Yamato didn't really care but went along with his rules.

One time he had stumbled out of the sauna, not being able to take the heat for another second, longing to breathe again. Kakashi had been outside, reading a book, having skipped the sauna he'd been done faster and was now waiting for him.

"Remind me to not go in a sauna for a while again," Yamato laughed, running his hands through his wet hair, rummaging around for a towel in his locker.

"Yeah that's great." Clearly not listening. "Would you mind putting some pants on?"

"I was about to!" Yamato retorted, a little annoyed.

_Sheesh, you're treating me like you would a girl,_ he thought.

He didn't know if Kakashi had had a, well, relationship. He'd never asked and Kakashi played those kinds of things close to the vest, so to speak. And if he didn't offer up Yamato wouldn't lower himself by asking when he clearly didn't want to talk about it.

Not that that stopped him from wondering.

* * *

It had started out as a dare, with himself as the only participant. They'd gotten back from a straining mission, where he had been on nails the entire time, every time he had a minute over and stopped working, it became difficult to breathe, became difficult to stand still, was unbearable to be alone with him. And so, when they stepped outside the main building after the debrief, he persuaded him to have a drink with him. To celebrate a job well done. Kakashi rarely drank but this time he made an exception, maybe he sensed something but didn't dare do it himself. Either way, they had some drinks, talked a little more than usual, Kakashi finally letting words spill out, unguarded. Yamato loved hearing him talk, telling him tales, watched as he slouched, somehow gracefully on purpose, on the weary little booth sofa.

When they left the town had gone to sleep, street lights still on, lighting up the trees and closed stores and old buildings. Kakashi looked around, taking it in.

"I'm away so much. I seem to forget what the streets look like." he sad, sounded a little doubtful at the fact, still not sure of whether it was a good thing or not. "It's really pretty-"

Yamato kissed him, couldn't take another second of not knowing what it felt like...

A second or a heartbeat later he let go.

"You are too."

He enjoyed his shocked face for yet another second and then he went home.

* * *

Despite what he might have feared, Kakashi didn't reject him. Sure, he didn't make any invites either, but if that was the way he wanted it, Yamato could pursue...

He enjoyed it way too much, glancing coyly across the room, smiling shyly and saying such wanton things, just in passing by. He loved seeing him flustered, seeing his ear turn red as he blushed, _yield to me..._

"_Dammit Tenzō, I'm trying to work here!"_ he growled after making another blotch on the paper from his shaking hands.

Yamato laughed, couldn't comprehend the lewdness of his thoughts and words. A longing was eating him up from inside.

He loved how it hurt.

* * *

"Hey, is that the new map?" he asked.

Kakashi nodded as he leaned against his desk.

Yamato walked up to him, stood beside him, tried stealing a glance but Kakashi held it away from him.

"The oldest get to read it first."

Yamato raised his eyebrows. "You just made that up."

"No, check any rulebook. I think it's on page 18 or something..."

He tried to take the map from him, leaned in, was aware how close they were but tried not to make a big deal out of it, for a second just wanted to behave like he was young again... Kakashi leaned further away, still not actually stepping away, keeping his ground, a defiant look plastered on his face like he'd been born with it.

Yamato gave up, sighed, thought back to that evening outside the restaurant. "You're the worst..." he said and didn't mean it for a second.

Kakashi stuck his nose up but couldn't help a little smile in his direction.

"Yo Kakashi, are you busy?"

They both looked at the door, equally shocked.

Jiraiya was in the doorway, looking amused.

Yamato nodded. "Jiraiya-sensei" and then crossed his arms as if to say, _I have no part in this._

Kakashi looked unaffected. "Nice to see you, Jiraiya-sensei." It was like he'd flipped a switch, all playfulness gone with the wind.

"Could we speak in private for a moment?"

"Sure," he said, didn't look in his direction.

Yamato left after another polite phrase, it was the right thing to do, it wasn't his office after all. He shut the door properly behind him.

* * *

"So what did you want to talk to me about?" Kakashi asked, still keeping his poker-face perfectly in place, looking expectantly at him to speak.

"I'm glad at least one of us has a love-life worth the name."

"..." He took a shaky breath. _Dammit get a hold of yourself. _"It's not-, we're not like that."

Jiraiya smiled. "You looked like two puppies, playing-

"Yeah well we're not-

"Kakashi, you were _frolicking_."

The man in question rolled his eyes.

"Can we _please_ talk about something else?"

* * *

They had barely made it through the front door before they started kissing, ripping clothes off, one piece at a time, seeing who would snap first. Yamato did, couldn't help but to nestle in and kiss him senseless, pulling him towards the sofa.

"_Maa_, Tenzō, you said we'd eat first..." he said chidingly, clearly not meaning it because of the hot gaze that followed and made his knees weak.

"I changed my mind." he said, pushed him down in a sitting state, loved the feeling of control, having his way with him-

"You're so disobedient."

They started laughing, breathlessly, but then stopped, having not a single second left to spare.

They never made it to the bed.


End file.
